I gained weight. Shoot me.

I dont have a lot of typing to do on this one. But I want to come here and say, I lost it when I weighed myself. I gained weight. Eating vegan, juicing and having the occasional smoothie. It tapered into a whirlwind of small failures, not juicing everyday or not making good choices by eating my salsa with organic Trader Joe’s fritos. They were soo good. It all went to Hades when I decided to eat some chicken. Not sure if it was the chicken or the guilt….but I am completely off the so-called wagon.

Plus dammit if I didnt gain weight and its really killing me! I have tons of excuses, but I am still bummed.  I will say that I need to eat – to encourage alkalinity, and anti-inflammatory-ish. Because my carpal tunnel and chub a lub is painful.

I am the fattest I have ever been. WHAT THE HELL. I am officially 75 lbs overweight. Offically obese. God kill me now. I want to cry, and get drunk, and eat Oreos with real milk. LOL.

If my excuse is lack of energy it is, but its also lack of sheer will. (Looks at me typing this whiny post! When I could be moving my big fat ass) But I cant drink the good beverages, because….I am a mom, I cant sleep through the night yet, I still get up all night off and on. Not sure about you, but drinking makes me crabby as hell in the middle of the night, when forced awake for any reason. Not a good momma example, ya know?   But but but but but but …. I think I am going to try pills. They arent on the detox plan, or the healthy heart plan, Buddha wouldnt approve, but they are on the high energy, no need for coffee plan. I need energy, lots of it. If I have to get it in a pill…I will. I honestly think my thyroid is cashed. Maybe a pill will jumpstart my metabolism and in the spring I can get outside and jump around! (I could eat 500 calories a day and still gain weight. Yet, I am not a closet eater, a snacker, binger or over eater. So it’s got to be my body is off kilter.)  No matter what ails me though, thyroid or mental state, I don’t have insurance. So I am just f-ing fat and gotta deal with it on my own, just as I should.

So who’s coming over to let loose a wild animal to chase me around the block?

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4 thoughts on “I gained weight. Shoot me.

  1. Me too Jennie, the fatest I’ve ever been, too. grr ,SOOO grrr. I just picked up some diet pills today. Tired of feeling miserable (and I’m not talking about feeling bad about self image, more like health issues). Must find a way to make progress for the better, you and me both! 🙂

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